Bosses behind bars all to raise a Smile
A SORRY group of Hull businesspeople appeared in court this week to face up to a catalogue of heinous crimes.
From wearing super-tight red Speedos and lathering oneself in tanning oil, to stashing stolen chocolates beneath a big posh hat, the defendants had amassed a shocking record of criminal activity – crimes which even made the judge blush.
Before being tried for their terrible behaviour, the motley crew of businesspeople headed to Gosschalks Solicitors, where they were fed and watered.
Then, heavy-handed police officers brandishing truncheons and balls on chains arrived and frogmarched them to the court.
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Speaking to Judge Rob "Roughneck" Thomson, prosecutor Andy Barber, of the Smile Foundation, said: "Your Honour, the people before you today would have you believe they are upstanding members of the local business community.
"However, I have evidence gathered from the defendants' colleagues, employees and acquaintances, which shows this is far from the truth.
"I ask you to use your powers to ensure justice is served."
The defendants had hoped for a reprieve, or at least a little help from the defending barrister.
However, this hope was dashed when they saw Gosschalks' Steve Savage – who had been subtly employed by the charity to ensure a guilty verdict – in the court room, clutching a stack of papers, which the defendants believe was actually a pile of old Beano comics.
When told he had attempted to defend businesspeople behind bars on three previous occasions – none of which he had any success in – the defendants realised they were skating on thin ice.
Sure enough, they were all found unanimously guilty by a jury of heckling schoolchildren.
Summing up, Judge Thomson ordered each of the bosses to give themselves up for arrest at the offices of Gosschalks Solicitors on October 24 when they will be transported to HMP Hull and incarcerated until such time as they can raise enough charity bail money to see them walk free.
The trial was, of course, part of Boss Behind Bars (BBB) – an innovative fundraiser that sees local businesspeople thrown in jail and released only after raising sufficient bail funds.
The last BBB raised more than £24,000 for the Smile Foundation and the latest participants are hoping to smash this target.
Visit www.bossbehind bars.co.uk for details.